Sweet Baby Ozma!
by the-Mad-Majesty-of-Muchness
Summary: When my theatre teachers decide to do Wicked for the school's next show, chaos is bound to ensue. Rated for milde language, mild suggestive content, and because I'm paranoid.
1. THE MESSAGES ARE COMPLETE!

Me: *skips happily into my theatre class humming some random song that may or may not be from a Broadway show* HIIIII, EVERYBODY! IT'S ANOTHER BOO-TEE-FULL DAY HERE AT LEGACY HIGH!

Travis: *holds up his theatre journal triumphantly* HA! I'M FINALLY FINISHED! AT LONG LAST, THE SECRET MESSAGES ARE COMPLETE! NOW I SIMPLY MUST WAIT ANOTHER TWENTY-FIVE YEARS BEFORE MAILING THE KEY TO MAC SO SHE CAN DECIPHER THEM!

Everyone else: O_O

Peatre Ferman McHolmes the Theatre Fish: Awkward.

Mallorie: OMG, PEATRE JUST TALKED!

Me: HE'S A FISH, NOT A FISH! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!

Peatre: Crap. *goes back to pretending he's a fish instead of a Fish*

Christina: *comes running in like a madwoman* LENNON'S NEPHEW, WHERE!

Me: OMAHOZ, RUNNING THE RED FLASHBACKS, MAH PEEPS!

Mah peeps: Ditto!

Me: HEY LOOKY IT'S MJ! *glomps him*

MJ: *is glomped*

Travis: Ha ha, MJ got glomped!

Me: *glomps him too*

Travis: *is also glomped*

Mac: Hey, everybody, guess what! Ferman and I decided we're gonna do a musical for our next show!

Everybody: *freaks out but in a good way cuz we're musical obsessed thespians*

Mac: WE'RE DOING WICKED!

Me: *has world's most epic spaz attack in the history of fo'evah then miraculously recovers* DIBS ON ELPHABA!

MJ: I CALL FIYERO!

Christina: GLINDA! MINE!

Madison: *runs off then comes back in a wheelchair* I SO TOTALLY GOT NESSAROSE IN THE BAG!

Travis: Aw, I wanted to be Fiyero!

MJ: Too bad, ya shoulda been quicker.

Fiyero: Don't I get a say in who gets to be me?

Travis & MJ: NO!

Elphie: MAGGIE, I HEREBY OFFICIALLY FORBID YOU FROM TAKING OVER MY ROLE!

Me: *is uber depressed* ...I'm gonna go cut myself now. *runs off crying*

Mac: Okay, just for that, she's getting the role.

Me: *comes back with super human speed and stupid big grin* WOOOOOOOOOOOT! MAC, YOU ARE THE BEST DRAMA TEACHER EVAH! *glomps her*

* * *

><p><em><strong>*insert cheesy music and graphics here*<br>**A few days later..._

Cast list: *is posted then attacked*

Me: WOOOOOOOOOOOT, I GOT ELPHABA! *victory dance*

Elphie: *facepalm*

Madison: NESSAROSE, YES!

Nessa: Aw, COME ON!

Christina: OH YEAH, I AM SO TOTALLY GONNA PWN AS GLINDA!

Glinda: ...I'm scared.

Travis: YES! IN YOUR FACE, MJ! FIYERO IS MINE!

Fiyero: Ok, so that totally didn't sound like a sexual innudendo.

MJ: *is disappointed* Man, seriously? *sees his name on list* Oh, hey, would you look at that! I get to be Boq! Wait a minute, I GET TO BE BOQ?

Boq: O_O I have no idea what to say to that.

Madison: *is sitting in her magically appearing wheelchair grinning creepily at MJ*

Boq: RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFE!

Nessa: GO, MY PADAWAN! MAKE ME PROUD!

Madison & MJ: YES, MASTER!

*MJ runs off being chased by a psychotic Madison in a wheelchair*

Lenny: Man, why do I gotta be the bad guy?

Mary: Because you've got a beard and if we put fake gray in it, then you'll look old enough for the part.

Lenny: *mutter* ...Shave this thing off...*mutter*

Mallorie: Hey, Mary! Check it out, you're Morrible!

Mary: O_O *faints*

Hunter: I'm FREX? PLEASE TELL ME I DON'T GOTTA SHAVE MY HEEEEAAAAD! *runs off in fear*

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I don't own Wicked, any of its characters, or any of the people mentioned in here except for myself, and Peatre the Theatre Fish belongs to my theatre teacher(s).<strong>


	2. Kisses and Blushes and Cubs, Oh My!

Madison: *still chasing MJ around in her wheelchair* MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! GET BACK HERE, LOVE SLAVE!

MJ: *running for dear life* SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

Nessa: *following them* YES, YES, YES! YOU MAKE ME PROUD, MY YOUNG PADAWAN!

Boq: *also following* QUICK, MJ! RUN UPSTAIRS, I HAVE THE KEYS TO THE ROOF ACCESS, WE CAN GO HIDE OUT UP THERE UNTIL IT'S SAFE!

*Me & Travis & Christina are walking in the opposite direction like nothing wierd is going on at all*

Me: OMG, Christina, you are SO perfect for Glinda!

Chrstina: Aw, gee, thanks!

Travis: *freezes* Oh. My. God.

Me & Christina: What?

Travis: I just realized something.

Me & Christina: WHAT?

Travis: *looks at me* Maggie, you and me are gonna have to kiss.

Me: O_O

Hunter: *stops having nervous hair-related breakdown long enough to stare at us in shock*

Lenny: *tackles Travis* YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER, YOUNG MAN! *starts beating up poor Travis*

Wyatt: *comes running down the hall screaming at the top of his lungs* ! DID YOU GUYS KNOW WE'RE DOING WICKED FOR OUR NEXT SHOW?

Me & Christina: (sarcastically) Noooo, REALLY?

Travis: Dude, they posted the cast list YESTERDAY, and you're only JUST NOW finding out about this?

Wyatt: I've been doing other things...BUT OMG, GUESS WHAT I GET TO BE CHISTERY! And on a totally unrelated side note, did you know you're gonna have to kiss Maggie?

Mattie: OMG, MAGGIE, I'M SO JEALOUS OF YOU!

Me: Why, because I'm kissing Travis?

Mattie: What? No, dude, I've got a boyfriend. I mean because you get to be Elphaba!

Sarah: *popping up out of nowhere* What's that? Maggie gets to be Elphaba? OOOH, CAN I BE RUMPLETEAZER?

*cricket*

Peatre the Theatre Fish: Awkward.

Mallorie: PEATRE TALKED AGAIN!

Peatre: Double crap! *leaves*

Mary: How'd he even get out of Mac's room?

MJ: *magically reappearing* Beats me, I'm made of tin!

Travis: Wait a minute, I thought my character was supposed to be the brainless one.

Madison: Brains, hearts, courage, what's the difference? *morphs into New York accent* I mean come on, am I right, or am I right?

Ferman: *walks up holding something covered by cloth* Hey, guys, guess what!

Mallorie: You finally decided to wear a red shirt?

Ferman: Funny, but no. Check this out! *uncovers the thing to reveal a real live lion cub in a cage*

Elphie & Fiyero (who randomly appeared out of thin air): *look at the cub, then each other, then blush, then start making out*

Me: ...You didn't.

Ferman: Oh, but I did!

Mac: For the Lion Cub Scene!

Me & Travis: *look at each other and turn bright red*

Fiyero: Hahaha, they're even redder than I was a minute ago! *grabs Travis's arm* Come on, dude, you and me have a lot of work to do. *starts dragging him off*

Travis: Wait, what?

Fiyero: Well, yeah, I mean look at you. No offense, but you're not exactly the next Norbert Leo Butz. Not YET, anyway, but I plan on fixing that.

Travis: Whaddya mean by "fixing," exactly?

Fiyero: *shakes head* Oh, you poor, poor boy. We should start at the root of the problem.

Travis: Which is...?

Fiyero: Jerry Walker was your first lead role, right?

Travis: Yeah, why?

Fiyero: Did Jerry ever do any singing?

Travis: No.

Fiyero: THEN IT IS YOUR SINGING VOICE WE SHALL START WITH! *drags Travis into the black box and locks the door behind them*

* * *

><p><strong>*cheesy music &amp; graphics<br>**_The next day..._

Me: *picks lock on door to black box, goes in, smacks Travis awake, kisses him, then walks out*

Travis: O_O

Fiyero: *wakes up* Ugghh...Wha happened?

Travis: *faints*

Fiyero: *looks at him for a second, shrugs, then goes back to sleep*

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody but myself.<strong>


	3. So Much Snogging!

Me: Ugh...Guys, can we PLEASE go home now? You've kept us locked up in here for almost an entire week!

Travis: I wanna go reintroduce myself to my bed!

Me: I second that!

Fiyero: Nobody's going anywhere until you guys figure out how to do this the right way! Now, for the last time, observe and learn from the masters. *starts making out shamelessly with Elphie*

Travis: *sigh* Well, I guess it's worth another shot. Not like we've got anything left to lose at this point, right?

Me: Guess not. *shrugs* Eh, alright, sure, to heck with it. *makes out with Travis just as shamelessly*

Mac: *walks into black box at THE worst possible time, go figure* Hey, guys. Since none of us have heard from you in nearly a week, I thought I'd come make sure you were all still-*freezes*

Me & Travis: *pull apart turning bright red*

Elphie & Fiyero: *keep snogging, totally oblivious to Mac's presence*

Travis: Mac, we swear, this isn't what it looks like!

Me: Yeah! Those two lovebirds over there have been holding us captive this entire time, forcing us to watch them "demonstrate" their idea of the proper way to kiss each other and they both refuse to let us out of here until we get it exactly to their liking!

Travis: WE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO REHEARSE AGAINST OUR WILLS BEFORE REHEARSALS EVEN OFFICIALLY START!

Me: YEAH, WHAT HE SAID! WE'RE THE VICTIMS HERE, MAC, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE US!

Mac: *has already stopped listening and locked us in again*

*brief silence, during which Fiyeraba continues to make out, still totally oblivious to everything that just went down*

Me: So, where were we?

Travis: Right about here, I think. *snogs me some more*

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, in the womens' dressing room...<em>

Nessa: *locks the door & turns around* So, Madison, now that we finally have them captive, what do you think we should do with them?

Madison: Hm...Well, I know that you've got a thing for Boq, and to tell the truth, I've always kinda wondered what it would be like to kiss MJ, so...

Boq & MJ: O_O

Madison & Nessa: *start making out with them against their wills*

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, somewhere else in the theatre department area...<em>

Christina: *is making out with her boyfriend Ben for no reason other than she can and feels like it*

Mary & Mallorie: *are watching*

Wyatt & Hunter: *walk in at exactly the wrong time*

Mallorie: Hey, Mary, don't you think it seems unfair that everybody else is getting to make out with each other while we just sit here and watch?

Mary: You know, you're right. We should do something about it.

Mallorie: We should, shouldn't we?

Wyatt & Hunter: Ho crap. *are attacked*

* * *

><p><strong>DisclaimerAN: I own nothing and nobody but myself. Yeah, I know there was a lot of snogging in this chapter, but I'm in a very Fiyeraba-induced mood right now, and I needed some way to get it out of my system, and this is what my demented, delusional mind came up with, so...yeah. And in case you're wondering why Christina is the only one out of all us Thespians who's making out with her actual real-life boyfriend, it's because even though I've never actually met Ben, I know that she really cares a lot about him, so I just didn't have the heart to write her kissing anybody besides him. Still have some Fiyeraba I need to get out of my system...Must...go...write...fluff...*walks off with one eyelid twitching muttering to myself like the sleep-deprived, slightly out of it, yet extremely celebratory Ozhead I am***


	4. Cannibal Cookies

Me: ...*glances around Mac's classroom* Hey, shouldn't the announcements be coming on right about now?

MJ: No.

Me: But the clock says it's-

MJ: I sabatoged the intercom system so they couldn't annoy us with their wanna-be radio station banter.

Madison: *jumps up & starts singing* GOOD NEEEEWS! IT'S DEEAAAD! THE RADIO BANTER IS DEAD! THE ANNOYINGEST CRAP THERE EVER WAS, THE THING THAT ANNOYS US FROM HERE TO OZ IS DEEEEAAAAD! GOOD NEEEEEWS! GOOOOOOD NEEEEEEWS!

Mallorie: Look what Christina's doing!

Christina: *climbs onto table* Fellow thespians...*clears throat & starts singing* LET US BE GLAAAD! LET US BE GRAAATEFUL! LET US REJOICIFY THAT MJ COULD SUBDUUUUE THE ANNOYING NOISE FROM THE IIIIINTERCOOOOOM! ISN'T IT NICE TO KNOW NOTHING CAN CONQUER THEATRE? PEATRE THE FISH WILL BY-AND-BYYYYYYY...OUTLIVE A LIIIIIIE...FOR YOU AND-

Mac: Save the singing for rehearsals, please!

Entire class (yep, that's right, all 7 of us!): Awwww, man!

MJ: *randomly jumps topics* So how exactly did you and Travis escape from the black box, anyway? I thought Elphie and Fiyero had you guys locked in.

Travis: They did.

MJ: Then how'd you manage to get out?

Me: We didn't.

MJ: But you're both sitting right-

Me & Travis: *shifty eyes*

Christina: Wait, what were the shifty eyes for?

Me & Travis: Nooothiiiing...*more shifty eyes*

Mary: Um...

Me & Travis: *disappear in a puff of blue & green smoke*

Everyone else: O_O wat?

Travis: *reappears, steals MJ's cookie that randomly appeared out of thin air, then vanishes again*

MJ: *sulks from lack of cookie*

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, in the flyspace above the auditorium stage...<em>

Travis: *appears out of nowhere eating cookie*

Me: O.O ...Where'd you get the cookie?

Travis: (mouth full of cookie) 'ent vack 'oo zuh 'oom 'un 'ole it v'um M'zhay.

Me: ...Where'd MJ get it from?

Travis: *swallows, then shrugs* I dunno, I just grabbed it out of his hand and came back.

Me: *steals half of cookie*

Travis: Hey!

Me: *shoves the whole thing in my mouth at once & grins*

Travis: You took half my cookie!

Me: (mouth full of cookie) 'eah, vut vou 'ole it v'um M'zhay virst, zho mow 'oo eyez're ev'n, zho 'oo zhood ve 'anking me!

Travis: ...What?

Me: *swallows* I said, "yeah, but you stole it from MJ first, so now you guys're even, so you should be thanking me!"

Fiyero & Elphie: *appear out of nowhere in a puff of blue & green smoke*

Fiyero: *looks at me & grins* Hey, where'd you get the cookie?

Me: It was actually only half a cookie that I stole from Travis, who stole the entire thing from MJ. How'd you know I'd been eating a cookie, anyway?

Fiyero: You've got crumbs on your shirt.

Me: *looks at shirt* Oh. *brushes crumbs off*

Elphie: So THIS is the "secret meeting place" you guys were talking about?

Travis: Yep! It's a good hiding spot, see, because we're way high up where nobody will ever think to even look for us!

Elphie: ...*shrugs* Alright, fair enough. Now, have you two been practicing it like we showed you?

Me & Travis: O.O Maybe.

Fiyero: *is suspicious* Okay, then show us what you got.

Travis: *sigh* Here we go again...*grabs me & kisses me anyway*

Me: *kisses back*

Elphie & Yero: O_O

Me & Travis: *pull apart so we don't die from lack of oxygen*

Fiyeraba: O_O

Travis: Well? How was that? Did we get it that time or what?

Fiyero: *slowly nods w/o blinking* Yeah...Yeah, I think you got it that time.

Me & Travis: FINALLY!

Me: NOW can we start working on something else?

Fiyero: Alright, alright! *thinks for a sec* Travis, lemme hear what you sound like when you sing.

Travis: (singing) Hey, soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know. Hey, soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do...tonight.

Fiyero: Did I say you could stop yet?

Travis: *rolls eyes, then starts singing again* Just in time. I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me. You gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny. I'm so obsessed...My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest. I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna, and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind. Hey, soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair you know. Hey, soul-

Fiyero: *shoves hand into Travis's face* STOP. Not bad. A little rough around the edges, could still use a bit of work, but overall, not bad.

Elphie: Your turn, Maggie.

Me: But you guys hear me sing all the time!

Elphie: -_- Yes, but you're always looking for an excuse to sing Broadway songs, anyway. Well, here's a perfectly good excuse right here, so-

Me: *duct tapes her mouth shut* Hm...*taps chin thoughtfully* What song should I sing?...Oh! I know! I expect you to let me finish the entire song before any comments are made, understand?

Elphie: *pulls duct tape off* Fine.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, on the roof of the school...<em>

MJ: *is eating from a giant bag of Goldfish*

Boq: *ditto*

Peatre the Theatre Fish: *appears out of nowhere* CANNIBALS! *vanishes again*

MJ & Boq: O.O

MJ: Ooookay then...

Boq: That wasn't weird at ALL...

MJ: *laughing* Yeah, I know, it's like "right?"

Boq: Exactly! So, anyway, like I was saying before, we should be safe from the Psycho Twins up here since Nessa can't climb the roof access ladder in her wheelchair and Madison insists on staying in hers without standing up.

MJ: Right! As long as we're up here and they're in those chairs, we are totally invincible!

Boq: Unless of course one of us happens to lose his balance and fall off the edge, in which case whoever it was would most likely die upon impact.

MJ: Well, yeah, but I meant it more figuritively than literally.

Boq: Oh, well in that case, we are COMPLETELY invicible!

Both: *go back to eating Goldfish*

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, outside the door that leads to the roof access ladder...<em>

Madison: Well, this is great, just great!

Nessa: You're telling me!

Madison: So whadda we do now?

Nessa: ...We could play 20 Questons.

Madison: *shrugs* Alright, sure. I'm thinking of something right now, so start guessing!

Nessa: Okay, um...Is it alive?

Madison: Nope!

Nessa: Is it...something to do with stage theatre?

Madison: *shifty eyes* Maaaybeee...

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, in the black box...<em>

Me & Travis: *use our new found Puff-o'-Smoke transportation magic to pop up out of nowhere and thus consequently scare the crap out of everyone already in the room*

Wyatt: *makes monkey noises and jumps so high out of his chair that his head goes straight through the ceiling* HEY, GUYS, I FOUND HUNTER!

Ferman: I didn't know Hunter had been missing.

Mac: Yeah, he's been running around school all week having a mental breakdown over possibly having to shave all his hair off ever since we posted the cast list. We pretty much gave up on trying to track him down, let alone talk any sense into him.

Ferman: When did you decide to give up?

Mac: Today's Wednesday, right?

Ferman: Yeah.

Mac: Right around lunch time, then. *turns back to Mary, Lenny, & Christina who were in the middle of practicing a scene* Alright, sorry about that! Go ahead and pick up where you left off!

Me & Travis: *sit down in two of the empty chairs near Mallorie, Joe, Khiry, Sarah, Will and Brittney*

Mary: As I was saying...(reading from script) I don't know why you're so despondiary, I thought it went quite well! They seemed thrilled to shreds with their brains and their hearts and this and that...Oh, Miss Glinda! I thought you'd be out festivating!

Christina: Well, I was, but then I was just like, "to heck with this, I'm gonna go cry over my best friend being dead!" and so I-

Me: *jumps out of chair and glomps Christina* BAD DOGGY, BAD! *beats her with the plastic That's-Not-Your-Freaking-Line Bat*

Elphie: *zaps me with a knock-out spell*

Fiyero: *drags me off of Christina & puts me back in my chair*

Travis: *puts the Not-Your-Line Bat back in its closet*

Me: *sits in chair unconcious & drooling*

* * *

><p><strong>*insert cheesy graphics &amp; music here*<br>**_The next day, in the womens' dressing room really early in the morning before school even starts..._

Christina: So why are we here again?

Glinda: Because this is where your training begins.

Christina: ...My training?

Glinda: Yeah! See, Elphie and Fiyero are training Maggie and Travis on how to act like them and stuff, and Nessa's doing the same thing with Madison, and Boq's doing it with MJ, so I decided that I wanted in on the fun too!

Christina: I see...And what does all of this have to do with the womens' dressing room?

Glinda: Your first lesson is how to dress like me.

Christina: O_e

Glinda: Oh, relax, it won't be that bad, I promise! And besides, either way, you would've had to start getting used to wearing the sort of things I do sooner or later. So, why not start sooner rather than later?

Christina: O_e

Glinda: *starts going on a rampage & throwing costumes all over the place*

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, on the roof...<em>

Boq: *shakes Goldfish bag upside down* Well, my friend, we are officially all out of food.

MJ: We would've had more if Travis hadn't stolen my cookie yesterday.

Travis: *uses Puff-o'-Smoke powers to appear right next to MJ* If it makes you feel any better, Maggie stole half of the cookie from me and then shoved the entire thing into her mouth all at once. *vanishes*

Boq: ...How long has he been able to do that?

MJ: He and Maggie just started doing it yesterday.

Boq: I see, then.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody except myself.<strong>


	5. Double Roles & Surprises

Me: *runs across stage in auditorium screaming like a madwoman flailing my arms around*

MJ: *runs across stage screaming like a madman flailing his arms around*

Me & MJ: *ram into each other and fall flat on our butts*

Me: *blink blink*

MJ: *blink blink*

Me: Still running from Madison?

MJ: Uh-huh. Who are you running from?

Me: Macavity.

MJ: The Mystery Cat?

Me: -_- No, MJ, of course not, I'm running from Macavity the Friendly Fuzzy Fluffy Hamster. YES, MACAVITY THE MYSTERY CAT, YOU IDIOT, WHO ELSE DO YOU KNOW THAT HAS THE NAME MACAVITY?

Demeter (the Jellicle, not the goddess): *darts across the stage in a blur* MACAVITY!

Disembodied Voice (DV): *evil laughter*

Me & MJ: EEEEP!

Me: *jumps into MJ's arms Scooby-Doo & Shaggy Style*

Mistoffolees: *runs onto the stage & sends lightning in the direction of the laughter*

DV: *high pitched girly squeal*

Macavity: *runs onstage screeching & dancing around trying to extinguish his burning fur*

Me, MJ, & Misto: *die laughing then come back to life*

Sarah (big fan of _Cats):_ *pops up out of thin air & attacks Misto screaming like an obsessed fan girl* OMIGAWD IT'S MAGICAL MR. MISTOFFOLEES, THE ORIGINAL CONJURING CAT!

The Rum Tum Tugger: There can be no doubt about that.

Me & Sarah & Etcetera: OMIGAWD IT'S TUGGER! *attack him*

Tugger: WATCH THE MANE!

* * *

><p><em><strong>*cheesy music &amp; graphics*<br>**Meanwhile..._

Christina: *walking around trying not to trip in the heels Glinda is forcing her to wear* OMIGAWD, HOW DO YOU WEAR THIS FREAKING THINGS?

Glinda: Well, you see, I just put them on my feet and-

Christina: HOW CAN ANYBODY WALK IN THESE?

Kristin Chenoweth: Ya get used to it, honey.

Me: *explodes, reassembles, then attacks Cheno & kidnaps her* Are Idina Menzel and Norbert Leo Butz around?

Cheno: I dunno.

Me: Darn it! *locks her in the blackbox, then goes off to hunt down Idina & Norbert*

* * *

><p><strong>*cheesy music &amp; graphics*<strong>_  
>Meanwhile...<em>

Wyatt: *walks into theatre hall on crutches*

Rest of us: *stop what we're doing and stare at him*

*cricket*

Wyatt: I fell out of a tree.

Mac: And why exactly were you in a tree to begin with?

Wyatt: Hiding from this evil kid who lives down the street and enjoys torturing me for no particular reason that I can figure out.

Ferman: Well, it looks like we need a new Chistery.

Will: *walks out of the workshop* Hey, Ferman, I was just wondering-

Mac: Hey, Will, you wanna be Chistery?

Will: I thought Wyatt was Chistery.

Mac: Yeah, but he fell out of a tree and broke his leg.

Will: *shrugs* Yeah, sure, I'll do it.

Mac: *looks at Ferman* Problem sovled.

Travis: *comes in dragging Hunter by the back of his shirt collar* Hey, everybody! Look what I found!

Mallorie: Hunter!

Mac: Oh, good! Hunter, listen, you aren't gonna have to shave your head, alright? Now, please stop freaking out and hiding from everyone, we're going to need you when rehearsals start in two weeks, because you're going to be doing a double role.

Hunter: Double role? Really? Why didn't you bother to tell me this before now?

Ferman: We couldn't find you.

Hunter: ...Touche. Alright, so who's my other character?

Mac: Doctor Dillamond.

Hunter: SWEET! I GET TO MAKE GOAT NOISES!

Ferman: Also, Mallorie, you're playing Melena, and you're also doubling up as Pfannee, and Sarah, you're playing ShenShen.

Me: Oh! Before I forget, I won't be needing a wig, you guys.

Mac: Why not?

Me: Because I'm dying my hair black later this week. I promise, I'm not just doing it for the show, I've actually been wanting to do it for a LOOOOOOOONG time now, but we just haven't been able to get an appointment with my hair stylist, so we finally went out and got some semi-permanant dye. We just haven't had time to do it yet, but we're going to either later this week or over the weekend.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Two weeks later at first rehearsal...<em>**

****_All of us who are in the cast (me, Travis, Christina, MJ, Mallorie, Sarah, Mary, Lenny, Hunter, Will, Madison) are up onstage. Mac, Ferman, Brittney, Mattie, Thomas, Wyatt, and the Gang are in the audience seats._

Mac: *stands up holding clipboard* OK, so first, let's just go ahead and make sure everybody knows who they're playing. Maggie?

Me: ELPHABA!

Elphie: Kill me now.

Fiyero: *kisses her cheek*

Mac: Travis?

Travis: Fiyero.

Mac: Christina?

Christina: Glinda-Galinda.

Mac: MJ?

MJ: Boq.

Mac: Madison?

Madison: Nessarose!

Mac: Lenny and Mary?

Lenny: Wizard.

Mary: Madame Big Butt-Uh, I mean Morrible.

Me & Fiyero: SHE MEANS BIG BUTT!

Mac: Mallorie, Hunter, and Will?

Mallorie: Melena and Pfannee.

Hunter: Frex and Dillamond.

Will: Chistery, which is just flat out sweetness.

Mac: And Sarah?

Sarah: ShenShen.

Mac: Excellent! Alright, now that's taken care of, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you who the understudies are. Let's see...MJ, you're the Fiyero understudy, and Will, you're the Boq understudy. Since Boq and Chistery don't share any scenes, if you end up having to take over MJ's role, then you'll just have to double up.

Will: KK.

Mac: Brittney, you're Mary's understudy, Sarah is Christina's, Thomas is Lenny's...

_An undetermined amount of time later..._

Mac: Any questions so far?

Travis: *raises hand*

Mac: Yeah?

Travis: How come Maggie doesn't have an understudy?

Mac: Because she's guaranteed to show up even if she's dying of a gunshot to the heart, or something a hundred million times worse.

Me: IT'S TRUE!

Auditorium door: BANG BANG BANG!

Mah thespian peeps & teachers: ?

Me: OOOOOH, YAY, THEY'RE HERE! *jumps off the stage*

Everyone else: *major confusification*

Me (leaning on door): Oh, did I mention that I kinda sorta invited some friends that I met online who are just as crazy and Wicked obsessed as I am?

Everyone else: O_O

Me: I didn't? Hm. Guess it must've just slipped my mind. Oh well! *pushes door open and is immediately tackled to the ground by 3 other girls*

Me & Rylee & Linda & Bree: *rolling around on the floor screaming and laughing and yelling at each other in excitement*

Me: HEY GUYS, FOLLOW ME AND I'LL INTRODUCE YOU TO EVERYONE!

All 4 of us: *untangle ourselves and jump up*

Me: Ok, so these are my friends, everybody! The girl with bipolar hair is Rylee, Blondie's name is Bree, and the other one is Linda. Girls, those are my theatre teachers, Mac and Ferman, up onstage there is Christina, Mary, Mallorie, Madison, MJ, Will, Hunter, Lenny, Travis, and Sarah, then that's Brittney, who is Lenny's girlfriend, that dude with the broken leg is Wyatt, then the girl with the glasses is Mattie, the guy with black and red hair right next to her is Thomas, and you already know the Wicked Gang!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I own nothing and nobody but myself. IDK if Wyatt really does live down the street from an evil kid who likes to torture him, but for the sake of the story, let's just pretend he does. I really am dying my hair black later this week, so I can look more like Elphie and I'm so excited, I can hardly wait! The bottle calls it "ebony." They also had jet black, but ebony sounded more like Elphaba, so that's what I got. Me and my mom are gonna watch RENT while we do it, so it's gonna be lots of fun!<strong>


	6. More Surprises, Yay!

_**Opening night...  
><strong>_**Theatre Hall (we use the classrooms to get ready before shows):**

Glinda: Maggie, hold still unless you want your makeup to be smeared!

Me: *stops bouncing in my seat*

Glinda: Just a little bit more...AAAAAnd...Done!

Me: *jumps up, throws navy blazer on, grabs knit beanie & glasses, then runs out the door and down the hall to the stage door, but rams into MJ on the way* MJ, you're awesome, and I love you, but MOVE BEFORE I TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF!

MJ: I have to go back and change costumes!

Me: Why? You're already wearing the right one!

MJ: Travis isn't gonna be able to make it, which means that I have to take over as Fiyero tonight!

Me: WHAT? Why can't he come, what happened, is something wrong?

MJ: I don't know the details, all I know is that Mac just got a text from him saying he can't make it in time for the show tonight. *shove me out of the way and goes to change costumes*

Fiyero: What was that all about?

Me: O_e *faints*

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I own nothing and nobody but myself. Yeah, I know I skipped all the rehearsals and everything, but I got bored, so...yeah. XP<strong>


	7. You're Sexy, but You Need to Shut Up

_**Opening night...  
><strong>_**Backstage:**

All of us: *running around like mad(wo)men trying to get ready*

* * *

><p><strong>Audience:<strong>

Person #1: *singing* I like pie. Yes I do. Pie pie pie pie-

_*Mac comes onstage*_

Mac (into mic): Good evening, everybody. My name is Melanie Holmes, and I'm one of the theatre teachers here at Legacy High. Before we begin the show, we would just like everyone to know that Travis St. John is unable to be here tonight, so the role of Fiyero will instead be played by Micheal Johnson. Thank you all so much for coming and supporting us tonight. Um, I think that's all, so with that, we are proud to present _Wicked! _*goes backstage*

Audience: *applauses*

Orchestra: *starts playing*

Will & Chorus Monkey (CM): *run onstage and start doing monkey things*

Will: *turns handle thingy*

Curtain: *rises*

Ozians: GOOD NEEEEWS! SHE'S DEEEAD! THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD! THE WICKEDEST WITCH THERE EVER WAS, THE ENEMY OF ALL OF US HERE IN OZ IS DEEEEEEAD! GOOD NEEEEEEEEEWS! GOOD NEEEEEEEWS!

Thomas: *points* LOOK! IT'S CHRISTINA-I MEAN GLINDA!

Christina: *floats in on her bubble machine* Hey, everybody, how's it hangin'? *sees me in the wings with the Not-Your-Line Bat* Uh, I mean, uh...It's so good to see me, isn't it?

Ozians: *mutter mutter agree mutter mutter*

Christina: No need to respond, that was rhetorical.

Ozians: *embarrassed that they responded*

Thomas: So how dead is she anyway?

Mattie: Is it true you guys were friends?

Christina: O_O Yes...No...Maybe...*floats away whistling nonchantly*

Ozians: *run offstage*

Backdrop: *gets changed*

Students: O hallowed halls and vine draped walls, the proudliest sight there is. When gray-

Christina: O-o-o-o-o-OOOOOOOOOoooooold Shizzzzzzz!

Christina & students: *stare at me*

Me: What? What are you all staring at? Do I have something stuck in my teeth? Oh. I know what's going on here. *sighs* Alright, we might as well get this over with. _Yes,_ I've always been green, _no, _I'm _not _seasick, and _no, _I did _not _eat _grass _AS A CHILD! THERE! DOES THAT ANSWER ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS?

Hunter: *pushes Madison onstage in her wheelchair*

Me: OH, and this is my younger sister Nessarose, who as you can see, is a PERFECTLY NORMAL COLOR!

Hunter: *grabs my ear and drags me to the side*

Me: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow-DAMMIT, FREXSPAR, LET GO OF MY FRIGGIN' EAR!

Hunter: Shut up, Cabbage. *hands Madison a box*

Madison: *opens box* YAY, SHOES! *shoves box into my stomach*

Me: *doubles over in pain* Oh, sure, let's just make it a holiday, why don't we? National Injure Elphaba Day! *throws box on floor and kicks it into the stage wings*

Hunter: *leaves*

Madison: *admiring her shoes* Oh, Elphaba, don't be upset with Daddy. Maybe he just didn't know what you'd want.

Me: It's fine, Nessa, I really don't care. Besides, what _could_ he have gotten me? After all, I clash with everything!

Madsion: Point taken.

**AN: Bored, skipping to ALAYM!**

Me & MJ: ...Come be who you want to, and see how bright we shine! Borrow the moonlight until it is through, and know I'll be here holding you...as long as you're mine!

MJ: What is it?

Me: It's just...for the first time...I feel..._wicked._

Me & MJ: *kiss each other*

Me: *sighs* I just wish...

MJ: What?

Me: I wish I could be beautiful...for you.

MJ: Elphaba-

Me: Please, Fiyero, don't try to tell me that I am. You don't need to lie to me.

MJ: It's not lying!

Me: *looks up at him*

MJ: ...It's just looking at things another way.

Audience: Awwww!

Me: *smiles*

**Backstage:**

Fiyero: It's true, you know.

Elphie: Of all the things you've ever said to me, I still think that one tops the list of my favorites.

Fiyero: *kisses her*

**Onstage:**

MJ: Someday, you and Glinda will make up, and we'll all-

Me: *claps hand over his mouth & puts a finger to my lips* Sh! *strokes his hair* Hush now, my stupid, brainless, beautiful idiot of a man. Close your extremely kissable mouth and let me listen...Hear that? It sounds like someone's in pain.

MJ: *gently takes my hand of his mouth* It's just the wind playing tricks on your ears, love.

Me: Listen, Fiyero. You're sexy and I love you beyond all reason, but when I tell you to shut up and listen, you'd better shut up and listen, capiche?

MJ: Yes, dear.

Me: *le gasp!*

MJ: *straightens up and looks around* WHAT, WHAT HAPPENED?

Me: Madison-Uh, I mean Nessa!

MJ: *grabs my shoulders and shakes me* WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, WOMAN?

Me: *smacks him*

MJ: OW!

Me: If you value your libido, you will NEVER do that again. Got that, Pretty Boy?

MJ: Got it.

Me: Good. Now, where were we?

MJ: You were freaking out over something to do with Nessarose.

Me: Oh yeah. *clears throat* FIYERO, MY SISTER IS IN DANGER!

MJ: WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW?

Me: I DUNNO, I JUST DO-*le gasp! again!*

MJ: Elphaba, what's wrong? What is it?

Me: ARE YOU BLIND? HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?

MJ: See what?

Me: THAT FLYING HOUSE!

MJ: WHAT FLYING HOUSE, WHERE?

Me: *grabs MJ's head and turns it, then points* THAT FLYING HOUSE, THERE!

MJ: *squints* ...Nope, sorry, still don't see it.

Me: *sighs & rolls my eyes* Whatever. As long as you're-

MJ: Yours?

Me: Actually, that time I was gonna say sexy, but yeah, that too. Anyway, as long as you're mine-and sexy-then I guess it's okay that you're still kind of brainless.

MJ: *opens mouth to protest and say he's changed since then*

Me: *puts finger over his mouth and smiles* It's okay. You don't have to say it. I know you've changed a lot since we last saw each other, but no matter what happens to either of us, the brainless Fiyero will always be in there, even if it's not always the side of you that's the most obvious.

MJ: *slowly starts shaking head* ...That Fiyero died the day of the Lion Cub incident.

**Backstage:**

Fiyero: *smug/proud grin on his face*

Elphie: You taught him that line, didn't you?

Fiyero: Yep.

Elphie: Not surprising, since you've said it to me about a million times.

Fiyero: You know you like hearing me say it.

Elphie: You could tell me the world was coming to an end and I'd still smile just from hearing the sound of your voice.

Fiyero: Love you too, beautiful.

**Onstage:**

Me: That may be true, but to me, you'll always be the brainless man I fell in love with at college.

Audience: Awwww!

Me: Anyway, about that flying house-

MJ: What about it?

Me: Well, if you would maybe let me finish a sentence...

MJ: Sorry.

Me: It's fine. Anyway, like I was saying, it's a commonly known fact that flying houses are omens of doom.

MJ: Wait, since when is that a commonly known fact?

Me: Since just now, that's when. *starts getting my stuff together* Seriously though, babe, my sister's in some really deep doo-doo and I've gotta get my butt over there and help her out like NOW. *stands up and starts to run off*

MJ: Wait, Fae! *follows me and grabs my arm*

Me: Fiyero-

MJ: Let me come with you!

Me: No, Yero, you musn't, it's too dangerous!

MJ: But I-

Me: You're not coming and that's final.

MJ: Am.

Me: Not.

MJ: Okay, then let's make a compromise instead!

Me: Fiyero, I-

MJ: Listen to me, listen! My family has a castle, Kiamo Ko. No one is ever there except the sentries who guard it!

Me: But if no one is ever there, then where do you live?

MJ: In the...other...castle.

Me: Oh, of course!

MJ: Anyway, it's the perfect hiding place! THere are tunnels, secret passages, hidden rooms. You'll be safe there!

Me: We will see each other again, won't we?

MJ: *takes my hands & looks me in the eyes* Elphaba, we are going to be together always. You can see houses flying through the sky...Can't you see that?

_*We kiss one more time, then he lets go of me and I run offstage*_

MJ: *picks up lantern from where he left it*

Creepy Shadow Things: *attack MJ*

MJ: *crouches down, curls in on himself & covers his head with his hands*

**_Blackout_**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I own nothing and no one but myself.<strong>


	8. Turds n' Bitches n' Liars, Oh My

**_*unidentified voice talking really fast* So here's what's happening: The show finally started, but Travis couldn't make it in time, which means MJ has to play Fiyero instead. He and Maggie got to sing ALAYM together while the real Elphaba and Fiyero sat backstage and made comments about stuff every now and then. The audience must've thought MJ and Maggie were like really cute together or something beacause they went "aww" at least twice. Maggie smacked MJ a few times and she told him that even though he's sexy, if she tells him to shut up, he needs to shut up.  
><em>**_Me: ...capiche?  
>MJ: Yes, dear.<br>**And that's what you missed on-GLEE!**_

* * *

><p><em>Lights go up to show the cornfield. <em>

Christina: *waving to someone offstage* That's right, you just take that one road, the whole! Time! *sigh* I hope they don't get lost...Oh, I am so bad at giving directions! *shakes head, grabs flowers, kneels in front of house* Oh, Nessa...

Me (coming out of cornstalks): What a _touching_ display of**_ grief._**

Christina: *stands up* No comment.

Me: I wanted something to remember her by. All that was left of her were those shoes, and now that _wretched_ little farm girl in a_ blue dress_ has walked off with them! So, if it's not too much to ask, I would appreciate some time alone to say goodbye to my _sister._

Christina: *motions for me to go ahead, then turns her back*

Me: *falls down in front of house & sobs* Nessa...Nessa, please...please forgive me...

Christina: Oh, Elphie...*comes towards me* It's terrible, it is, to be bug-squashed by a house, but accidents will happen!

**AN: Points and a cookie for anyone who can tell me off the top of their head where I first used this exact line word-for-word!**

Me: *stands up and slowly turns around* _...What..._did you just say?...

Christina: I said-

Me: You call this an _ACCIDENT?_

Christina: *flustered* W-Well...Maybe not an accident-

Me: Then what?

Christina: It's really more of a regime change, brought about by a-a bizarre and...unexpected twister of fate!

Me: YOU THINK CYCLONES JUST APPEAR OUT OF THE FRICKING BLUE, WOMAN?

Christina: A-Actually, I never really-

Me: *completely explodes* NO! OF _COURSE _YOU NEVER! _YOU'RE_ TO BUSY TELLING EVERYBODY HOW _WONDERFUL_ EVERYTHING IS, AREN'T YOU?

Christina: ELPHABA, I AM A PUBLIC FIGURE NOW, AND PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO-

Me: **_LIE?_**

Christina: _BE ENCOURAGING, OZ DAMMIT! _And what exactly have YOU been doing, besides riding around on that filthy old thing?

Me: _Well,_ we can't ALL come and GO by **_BUBBLE! _**And whose idea was THAT, anyway? The Wizards? *laughs humorlessly* Even if it wasn't, I'm sure he'd still take credit for it!

Christina: Yes, well...It seems a lot of us are _taking things that don't belong to us _lately...aren't we?

Me: *freezes* Now you wait just a clock-tick...*goes to stand right in front of her and looks her straight in the eye* I know it may be difficult for that _blissful, blonde_ brain of yours to comprehend that someone like him could _actually **choose** _someone like me...But it's happened...It's real...And you can wave that ridiculous wand of yours all you want, YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT! *on the verge of tears now* He never belonged to you, he doesn't love you, and he never did! He loves _me!_

Christina: *smacks me*

Audience: _***LE GASP!***_

Me: *touches cheek in shock, then smiles and starts cackling*

Audience: *applauds*

Me: *stands up straight* Feel better now?

Christina: As a matter of fact, yes.

Me: Good. *smacks her right back* SO DO I!

Christina: *twirls staff around*

Me: *does the same with my broom*

**Soundbooth:**

Ferman: *flips a few switches*

**Onstage/audience:**

Speakers above the stage: _Everybody was kung-fu fight-ing! *do do do do do do-do-dooo!*_ _We were movin' as fast as light-ning! *do do do do do-do-dooo!* It was just a little bit fright-ning! *do do do do do do-do-dooo!* All of that kung-fu fight-ing! *do do do do do-do-dooo!_

**Soundbooth:**

Ferman: *flips same switches again*

**Onstage/audience:**

Music: *is abruptly cut off*

Me & Christina: *drop our "weapons," glare at each other for a minute, then lunge and start slap-fighting*

Christina: *snatches my hat and starts hitting me with it*

Guards: *run onstage*

Guard Numero Uno: Halt! In the name of raisins-Uh, I mean the Wizard!

Me & Christina: *oblivious*

Guard Numero Uno: *sighs, then makes a motion to the other guards*

Other guards: *grab us and yank us apart*

Christina: *is lifted off the ground and starts kicking her legs around* LET ME GO, BITCHES, I ALMOST HAD HER! *tries to bite one of them and fails*

Guards: *put Christina down, but holds her back so she won't murder me*

Me: *glaring daggers at Christina* You little turd. I cannot BELIEVE that you would sink this damn low, using my baby sister's death as a trap to lure me out so you could capture me?

Christina: I only told them to spread a rumor that she was in danger, not to ACTUALLY hurt her in any way, and _especially _not to kill her, I swear!

Me: LIAR!

Christina: Elphie, I-

MJ (swinging in on a rope): *makes Tarzan noises, then drops onto stage & points rifle at guards* Let the green girl go!

Guards: *blink blink*

Christina: Fiyero, what the-

MJ: I said LET HER GO! *turns rifle on Christina* Or explain to all Oz how the Wizard's guards just stood by and watched as Glinda the Good was mercilessly slaughtered.

My thoughts: Oh, good Lord, I fell in love with a complete idiot..._My_ complete idiot, but still.

**AN: What? I'm in character! Is that a such bad thing? I swear to Oz, I don't really feel that way about MJ, he's three years older than I am and I literally like just met him at the beginning of the school year!**

MJ (really stern & serious now): I _said..._Let. Her. _Go._

Guards: *get really scared and let go of me*

Me: *stumbles a bit, then runs over to MJ & throws arms around his neck*

MJ: Elphaba, go, now.

Me: No, not without you.

Christina: Fiyero-

MJ: Shut up. *to me* There isn't any time to argue about this, Fae, you have to go now!

Me: *hesitates*

Christina: *tosses my hat over to me*

Me: *catches it & puts it on, then gives her a questioning look*

Christina: Do it!

Me: *looks back & forth at them for a minutute, kisses MJ, then runs offstage*

MJ: *looks around, then lets his shoulders slump as he drops the gun on the floor and holds up his hands in surrender*

Guard Numero Uno: Seize him!

Christina: *worried* Wait, what? What are you doing? No, stop, please!

_The Guards do something that resembles swarming toward MJ, then two of them grab him by the arms and force him onto his knees, then one of them holds his wrists so that his hands are behind his head and he can't move them. As all this his happening, Christina is visibly panicking._

Christina: In the name of goodness, STOP!

Guards: *look over at her*

MJ: *stares at the ground with his head hanging miserably*

Christina: Don't you see? He was never going to harm me. He just...he...*tearfully* ...He loves her.

MJ: *looks up* Glinda, I...*looks down again & shakes head sadly* I'm so sorry...

Christina: *reaches out and takes a step toward him*

Guard Numero Uno: Take him to that field over there! Put him up on one of those poles until he tells us where the Witch went!

Guards: *put rifle under MJ's arms, use it to lift him up & carry him offstage*

Christina (as MJ's being carried off): No, wait! Please, don't hurt him! FIYEROOOOOO...*voice fades as the scene goes to blackout*

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I own nothing and no one but myself. TWicked, I will GLADLY put you in here, but first I need to know what you would like to be called, i.e. how Bremela is always called Bree when she pops up in my stories.<strong>


	9. pokes Maggie with a stick

**_*unidentified voice talking really fast* So here's what happened last time: Madison/Nessarose got bugsquashed by a house, then Maggie/Elphaba and Christina/Glinda got into a bitch fight over MJ/Fiyero. The Guards showed up and yanked them apart, but then Christina/Glinda tried to bite one of them and MJ/Fiyero came swinging in on a rope to save Maggie/Elphaba.  
><em>**_MJ: *makes Tarzan noises*  
><strong>He finally "convinced" the Guards to let her go, but then she refused to leave without him, so then he and ChristinaGlinda had to get her to go already. After she left, though, the Guards captured MJ/Fiyero.  
><strong>Guard Numero Uno: Put him up on one of those poles until he tells us where the Witch went!  
><strong>And that's what you missed on-GLEE!<strong>_

* * *

><p>Me (picking up where Christina's voice had faded out): ...OOOOOOO...<p>

**Twenty to thirty minutes later...**

Me: ...OOOOOOOO! *flips through Grimmerie* I like the ramen, ramen, biscuts, gravy, I like the ramen! I like the ramen, ramen, pancakes, omelets, I like the rameeeen...Let the ham not be torn, let the juice leave no stain! Should I butter this wheat bread, or just eat it plain? The egg just won't break, and however they try to destroy it, this tomato just won't fry! I really hate ryyyye! I like the ramen, ramen, doughnuts, cupcakes, I like the ramen! I like the ramen, ramen, cookies, popcorn, I like the-I like the-UGH! What good is this soda? I don't even know what I'm drinking! I don't even know which juice I ought to try! Just what the hell is this? I think that it just moved! I swear to God, I'm being poiseeeeened! Nessa...Dr. Dillamond...*sucks in big breath*FIYEEEEE-*pant pant*-EEEEEEEROOOOOOO! *passes out from lack of oxygen*

**_Blackout_**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I own nothing and no one but myself. If you've read my Wicked parody, you probably recognized pretty much everything in this chapter from the NGD chapter in the parody, and I apologize for how short this is, but I just found out today that my grandmother has lung cancer, which is what killed my grandfather, who I have no memory of.<strong>


	10. SINCE WHEN IS WILL A TRAINED ACROBAT?

**_*unidentified voice talking really fast* __So basically all that happened was Maggie sang about food and then she passed out from a lack of oxygen. And that's what you missed on-GLEE!_**

* * *

><p><em>Lights go up, there's crying, and I'm pacing around the stage restlessly while muttering to myself.<em>

Me: *twitching eyelid* AAARGH! That DOES it! SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU ANNOYING, SHOE STEALING, SISTER MURDERING LITTLE BITCH!

Crying Girl: *does the exact opposite and keeps blubbering like a baby*

Me: *whirls around & opens a trapdoor & leans over*

Crying Girl: *finally stops*

Me: IF YOU EVER WANNA SEE YOUR AUNTIE EM AND UNCLE WHAT'S-HIS-NAME EVER AGAIN, YOU BETTER GET THOSE SHOES OFF YOUR FEET, MISSY! *slams trapdoor & stalks to the other end of the stage* Little bitch...Takes a dead woman's shoes...Must've been raised in fucking BARN!

Will: *does a backflip onto the stage and lands next to me*

Me: *doesn't notice him*

Will: *tugs on the skirt of my dress*

Me: *gasp* Oh, Chistery! *gets down on his current level and takes his hands* Chist, you're back! *face falls slowly* Chistery, where are the others?

Will: *motions in the direction he came*

Me: *sighs* Chistery, please, if you don't at least _try_ to speak, you'll never-*sees Christina, stands up & crosses arms* Go away.

Christina: They're coming for you.

Me: Your mouth is moving, but all I hear is a faint buzzing sound...like a fly. An extremely...Annoying...Fly. An extremely annoying fly which I have an uncontrollable urge to _kill_ and then _laugh at._

Christina: Oh, just let the little girl GO already! And that poor little dog...Dodo.

Me: *gives Will a peanut that I randomly pulled out of the air above my head*

Will: *eats peanut*

Christina: *sigh* Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but someone has to say it...*clears throat* You are OUT OF CONTROL! I mean, COM ON! They're just SHOES, let it GO! And this is coming from ME! THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE! Elphaba, you can't go on like this!

Me: I can do anything I want. I am the Wicked Witch of the West.

Chorus Monkey (CM): *backflips onto stage, lands right next to me & hands me a folded up note*

Me: *takes it* Finally! What took you so long! *unfolds paper & glances at it* What is this? Why are you bothering me with this? *looks at it again & reads it*

_The more I read, the wider my eyes start to get._

Me: *gasp*

Christina: What is it? What's wrong?

Me: *looks up at her*

Christina: ...It's Fiyero, isn't it? Is he...?

Me: *shakes head* We've seen his face for the last time.

Christina: *gasp*

**AN: This part means too much to me to parody, so I'm skipping ahead.**

Christina: Madame, have you ever considered how you'd fare?...In _captivity?_

Mary: O_O Wat?

Christina: . Son. I personally don't think you have what it takes to survivie in puh-rizzon, Madame Morrible. I hope you prove me WROOOOOOOOONG! I doubt you WIIIIIIIIILL!

Mary: *stutters*

Christina: Guards! Take her to puh-rizzuuuuuuun! Puh-RIZZUUUUUUUUUN-uh! PUH-_RIZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!_

Mary: *is dragged off kicking and screaming*

* * *

><p><em>The lights are dim, but you can still tell that we're back to the Kiamo Ko set. The sillouette of an unknown person can be seen cautiously coming onstage, glancing over their shoulder every now and then as if they're afraid of being followed.<em>

Person: *crouches down & knocks on the floor* (whispering) It worked!

_The lights come up as the trapdoor from earlier is lifted up, revealing MJ dressed as the Scarecrow. I pop up from the trapdoor._

Me: *smiles* Fiyero! *hugs him*

MJ: *hugs me back*

Me: *pulls back a little* Thank Oz! I was beginning to think you'd never get here! *smile fades* Yero...

MJ: Go ahead. Touch. I don't mind.

Me: *hesitantly touches his cheek*

MJ: Hey...You did the best you could. You saved my life.

Me: *smiles sadly* You're still beautiful.

MJ: *turns his face away* You don't have to lie to me, Fae.

Me: It's not lying!

MJ: *looks up*

Me: ...It's just looking at things another way.

MJ: *smiles*

_A group of Ozians come onstage as MJ helps me up out of the hidden room._

Ozians: No one mourns the wicked. Now at last, she's dead and gone. Now at last, there's joy throughout the land...

Christina (in bubble): *on the verge of tears* Fellow Ozians...Friends...We have been through a frightening time. And there will be other times, and other things that frighten us. But if you'll let me, I'd like to try to help. I'd like to try to be...Glinda the Good.

Ozians: Good news!

Me: We can never come back...can we?

MJ: *shakes head* No.

Me: *sighs & looks wistfully over shoulder* I only wish...

MJ: What?

Me: ...I wish that Glinda could know we're alive.

MJ: So do I, love. But she can't. Not if we want to be safe. No one can ever know.

Ozians: Good news...

_MJ turns around picks up my hat from where it's laying on the floor. He brushes it off and holds it out to me. I glance at it, then at him, then at the hat again before taking it and putting it on. MJ holds out his hand._

MJ: Come...

Christina: Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But...

Me & Christina: ...Because I knew you...

Christina: *crying* Because I knew you...

Me: *also starts crying*

Both of us: ...I have been changed...

_I take MJ's hand. We turn and leave through the door in the Clock face._

Ozians & Christina (as MJ & I leave) No one mourns the wicked!...Wicked!...WIIIICKEEEEED!

_**Blackout.**_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: NOT THE LAST CHAPTER! I own nothing and no one but myself.<strong>


	11. Nobody can know I'm here!

_**2nd night we're running:**_

Seemingly Random Girl (SRG): *jumps out of car that just pulled up at the side of the school and runs for the door, catching it just as it closes behind Travis, then darting behind a corner to hide, then starts glancing around*

Me: *is walking around wearing the navy blue Ozdust dress that Elphie always has on under her uniform, along with one sock, my green makeup only half way finished, my braid coming undone, and the wireframe glasses crooked and about to fall off my nose*

SRG (whispering): Pssst! Maggie!

Me: *stops trying to pull sock back up and looks around*

SRG: Maggie!

Me: *sees SRG and gasps* Gracie!

Gracie: Shh! *glances around, then motions for me to come over*

Me: *is majorly confused, but obeys anyway*

Gracie: Nobody can know I'm back here!

Me: Why?

Gracie: Shh! Lower your voice before someone hears you!

Me (whispering): Why can't anyone know you're back here?

Gracie: This is backstage! It's off limits to me because I'm not an actor!

Me: Ushers are allowed back here.

Gracie: I'm not an usher, either.

Me: Aw, jeezum, Gracie, chillax, would ya? *grabs her hand* You're my friend, we can just say that I'm giving you a backstage tour or something. *drags her into Ferman's room where all the make-up and stuff is*

MJ & Travis: *run over and corner me*

MJ: Maggie, tell Travis he's being stupid!

Travis: Me? You're the one being stupid! Come on, smack him or something, Mags!

Me: ...Okay, so what exactly am I missing here?

Travis: Look at the costume he's wearing!

Me: *glances at MJ* ...Yeah, so? I don't see the big deal, it's just the Sacred Outfit of Se-*lightbulb* OOOOOOOOH, I see!

Travis: Right. My point exactly.

MJ: He lost his claim to Fiyero last night when he_ didn't show up._

Travis: Um, excuse me, but were you the one who spent countless weeks being forced against his will to make out with someone who is _not his girlfriend?_ NO, you weren't. That was me.

Me: Woah woah, hold up a second. *gets closer to Travis and looks up at him* Travis, are you...Are you saying that you...don't _like_ kissing me?

Travis: Huh? Wha-No! No, that's not what I'm saying! It's just-

Me: Just what?

Travis: Just that...Uh...J-Just that kissing you didn't exactly feel...How should I put this?...It didn't exactly feel..._right._

Me: So I'm a bad kisser, is that it?

Travis: Uh...W-Well, I, uh...

MJ: _I_ don't think you're a bad kisser, Maggie. I think you kiss _great._

Me: Thank you, MJ. *to Travis* Well, I guess that solves that little problem, doesn't it? *grabs Gracie's wrist and walks off with MJ to finish getting ready*

Travis: O_O

Fiyero: Dude, I saw the whole thing. *smacks him* YOU FREAKING IDIOT! YOU JUST MADE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A TOTAL MORON, WHICH MEANS THAT NOW _I_ LOOK LIKE A TOTAL MORON, WHICH IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE! HOW DARE YOU, TRAVIS? I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU! I THOUGHT-

Travis: *passes out from shock*

Fiyero: *looks at him for a minute, then shrugs and goes off in search of Elphie for some snogging*

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I own nothing and nobody but myself. Gracie is the incarnation of my friend Twicked, who asked if she could appear and gave me three names that I could choose from to have her go by. Gracie is the name of the character in her school's upcoming play that she's auditioning for and wants to get really REALLY badly. This chapter is the grand finale, and I hope that everyone enjoyed this! <strong>

**PS: As a totally unreleated side note, who noticed that I changed my username without me having to mention it, and don't you guys love my new one? **


End file.
